Thursday, February 5, 2015

Through It All

We're in this weird in-between place right now with our journey to becoming parents.  We committed to 3 months of acupuncture and trying the more holistic approach.  Obviously, to this point, without success.  We are nearing the end of our current timeline and are searching for answers for how to proceed.  Do we do IVF?  Do we wait for God to work a miracle in His own way and His own time?

I am acutely aware of my Martha-like tendencies and my desire to control things.  I refuse to be like Sarah and Abraham and try to force things to happen my way and in my time.  But I also don't want to sit around and do nothing if the Lord is calling us to move.

This whole journey can end up being one giant ball of frustration - trying to figure out our next steps, waiting for the Lord to work out something good, something I know He's called me to (i.e. motherhood).  I find myself wondering often, if He's called me to be a mom, why is it proving so difficult to become one?  And sometimes it's easy to fall into the trap of not believing that He can and will work this out.

I read this passage in John 9 last week about Jesus healing the blind man, and I was instantly moved to tears.

Now as Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth.  And His disciples asked him, saying, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"  Jesus answered, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him..."

God allowed this man to be blind so that Jesus could heal him, and in doing so, reveal His healing power.


Oh, that Jesus would use my struggle to reveal His power to others.  That my life would be a testimony to His majesty and power and love and grace.  That He would remind me daily that, no matter what happens to our dreams of having a family, it is well with me.

Far be it for me to not believe.
Even when my eyes can't see.
And this mountain that's in front of me.
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea.

Through it all
Through it all
My eyes are on You.

Through it all
Through it all
It is well.

So let go my soul and trust in Him.
The waves and wind still know His name.

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