Random-ness

I have a few random pictures and then a few random thoughts to share today! My lovely sister graduated from college to be a high school history teacher. (If you know of any job openings, let me know!! It's slim pickins' out there right now!) To celebrate her graduating, we went to dinner at Blanc on the plaza. YUM YUM YUM!! I'm trying to figure out why we didn't take any pictures of our food!!

Then, of course, we got a little bit silly.

Some more random pictures from this past weekend....

Me and my cousin Andrea (also our PE teacher!). We were sweating to death in this picture!!

Celebration at the Station 2010

I love Memorial Day weekend. We've had family reunions, celebrations and LOTS of food!! But it doesn't matter the holiday or how crazy busy I am, holidays always make me hate my singleness. Last night as I was watching the amazing fireworks display over Liberty Memorial in downtown KC I couldn't stop myself from praying that this time next year I wouldn't be alone. Oh, how I long for the desires of my heart to be fulfilled!! And amazingly enough (maybe because God is pretty stinkin' awesome) this wonderful David Crowder song came to my mind. I've always loved the lyrics but I want to truly believe them with my heart. I want His love for me to eclipse my affliction of singleness. Sometimes I get so caught up in my so-called afflictions that I fail to see how glorious God's love for me truly is. This week has also been a tough one at work. I have been surrounded by lies and gossip and actions that destroy relationships. I pray, Lord, that your glory would eclipse everything else in my life...so that You are all I can see.

He is jealous for me, (<----- I love that He is jealous for me!)
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.


We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

Lovely

A word of caution -- by the end of this post, you may know more than you ever cared to know about my heart of hearts. So continue with caution. :-)

Oh how the Word of God hits me sometimes (i.e. this morning)!! Lately I've been silently lamenting that I do not have the heart for God that I want to have - that I should have! I want to be on fire for Him. I want to be in love with Him more than I am in love with my desire to have a husband and children. I want to desire Him more than anything else! I see other women who are all these things -- and I want that. But deep in the most hidden part of my heart, I don't think it's possible for me. I'm not good enough or holy enough or something else enough to have that type of heart for God. Sigh. It's just something else that I truly desire that I feel is just out of reach. Just another place in my life that I'm not enough.

I left for church early this morning. Well, let's be real here. I left my house early for the late service. :-) I headed to Panera (I don't have money for milk, but I sure did pull out that credit card pretty quickly this morning. I'll regret that move later. Ugh.) and took with me my Beth Moore "So Long Insecurities" book. (Yes, I know the simulcast was weeks ago. No, I hadn't finished the book in time for Beth's message. Yes, I intended on having the book finished by now. No, that hasn't actually become my reality.) And I'm at the part where Beth is talking about women being insecure around other women. Wow. Can I just say that I fit that category. I felt like she was reading my thought bubbles! Oh, and I forgot to say that I'm still insecure enough that I have to take the cover off my book while I'm reading in public so others don't realize that I am reading a book about insecurity. :-)

As I was reading, I remembered something Beth discussed earlier in her book -- about the sources of insecurity. Now, I'm stepping out here and blowing my own cover. I'm going to name it and claim it. As anyone who knows me would agree, I am a perfectionist. In the past, that's always been something I've been proud of. Yes! I am a perfectionist! But this morning, I remembered what Beth said perfectionism really is. And when I honestly examine the heart of my perfectionism, I'm sad to say that her comments describe me to a T.

"Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism. That's where it becomes an art form."

"Perfection is perhaps our culture's biggest temptation. In his fascinating book Perfecting Ourselves to Death, psychiatrist and theologian Richard Winter offers this intriguing insight:

Although perfectionists seem very insecure, doubting their decisions and actions, fearing mistakes and rejection [I do these things silently most of the time], and having low opinions of themselves, at the same time, they have excessively high personal standards and an exaggerated emphasis on precision, order and organization, which suggests an aspiration to be better than others.

Most psychological explanations see the desire to be superior and in control as compensation for feelings of weakness, inferiority and low self-esteem. But it could also be that the opposite is true; we feel bad about ourselves because we are not able to perform as well, or appear as good, as we really think we can. We believe we are better than others, but we keep discovering embarrassing flaws. Perfectionists' black-and-white thinking takes them on a roller coaster between feeling horribly inadequate and bad about themselves and then, when things are going well, feeling proud to be so good. Low self-esteem and pride coexist in the same heart."

Beth gives these examples:

If we can't be the most attractive, at least we can be the best at something.
And if we can't be the best at something, we can at least be the hardest working.
And if we can't be the hardest working, we can at least be the most congenial.
And if we can't be the most congenial, we can at least be the most noticeable.
And if we can't be the most noticeable, we can at least be the most religious.
And if we can't be the most religious, we can at least be the most exhausted.

We're that desperate for significance.


So, as beyond embarrassing as this is to admit -- the above does a great job of describing who I am 90% of my waking moments. Wow. That's a hard pill to swallow. I am that desperate. That shallow. That pathetic. As you can probably imagine, this realization doesn't do a whole heck of a lot for the self confidence. Until I read what I read today. Again, Beth was talking about our insecurities as women - specifically our physical insecurities - and she shone a new light on this oh-so-common verse.

How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! Psalm 84:1

I am the dwelling place of the Lord. His Spirit lives within me. I am lovely? Even if I'm not perfect? Even if I'm not the best or the hardest working or the most put together? Even if I'm single and have been rejected? What I've known with my head and am now truly learning with my heart is that I AM LOVELY! I have significance without being perfect -- or attempting to be perfect.

All day long I have been singing in my head "How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty!" And strangely enough --- I'm starting to actually feel lovely. Without a husband. Without children. Without the brand new wardrobe I would like to have. Without being the best at, well -- anything. I am lovely. I am lovely. Because God dwells within me. Because HE loves me, I am lovely. And no matter what else I have. No matter my failures, my successes, my flaws or my rejections - I have THIS TREASURE!

He is mine and I am His. Of all things, I can be secure in that! And that is all I need.

God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." 2 Corinthians 4

Thank you, Father, that I am lovely because of You and You alone.

Last Moments

As the school year comes to a close, I am feeling SOO many mixed emotions.  As any sane teacher, I am beyond ready to have my summer.  (And I'm not teaching summer school which makes the summer that much more exciting!!!)  But I'm also experiencing all of my "lasts" as a music teacher -- which has been sad.  This past weekend, I experienced my last Robinson Day/Night at the K as the choir teacher.  I so wish I could share all of the photos from the day here, but liability issues keep me from showing kids online.  So, here are a couple of pics from the cold and rainy Sunday.  (PS...I scheduled us to sing on May 16 because it's supposed to be hot and humid by the end of May!!  Not cold and rainy!!!!)

I'm not a fan of this picture.....I look a little smug, when really I'm ecstatic by my kids' performance!  But I don't have many kid-free pics to choose from.

There's this really cool picture of my choir singing on the jumbo screen that's far enough away that I don't think you can make out any kids' faces....but I didn't want to take the chance. 

So, after a GREAT performance by my wonderful choir, I got a little (or maybe a lot) emotional.  One of my kids said, "Miss Schulze, you were all crying and then went back to go-go-go without even taking a breath!"  Yeah...I know.  :-)

We met all the parents up in our nose bleed seats to deposit their children and we were off to get some FOOD!!!  While we were in line at the concessions (we meaning my mom, dad, friend/co-worker Danielle and principal) I ran into an old friend of mine who works at the Royals.  Sometimes it's good to know people in high places.  We went from our nosebleed seats to the amazing Diamond Club!! 

THIS is how to watch a baseball game when it's cold and rainy outside!!!

We were RIGHT behind home plate!

Sunday was my last big performance as Robinson's music teacher.  I'm struggling with the sadness of leaving that part of my life behind.  But I am REALLY excited about being a second grade teacher!!  I'm thankful that when God asks me to leave something I love behind, He always gives me another something to look forward to.  

I praise You, Father, for the blessings I have received and the lessons I have learned the last five years as the music teacher.  And I praise You for the challenges and lessons and blessings You have prepared for me next year.  I praise You, Father!

Trivia and Birthdays

I completely intended on completing this post sometime last weekend. Oops. I'm only 6 days late. Prepare yourself for lots of pictures!!

So, last weekend was another busy one! Friday night we had Trivia Night for the Raytown Kiwanis Club, of which my mother is a member. And because the staff at my school are just too cool, we have a Team Robinson table!!

Me and Danielle!

I didn't have much luck with the raffle....

Meredith likes to torment her big sister.

More of Team Robinson and our superintendent! He loves us. :-)

After a super fun (but exhausting!) Friday night, we celebrated my mamma's birthday on Saturday! We had a yummy yummy dinner at McCormick and Schmitt's.

My mom and I had to laugh because we hadn't seen each other all day and we STILL dressed alike!! By the way, this first shot was my mom screaming at Meredith "NO CLOSEUPS!" She's going to love me for posting this one. At least I look stupid, too.

For dessert we order M&S's famous chocolate bag. Holy moly!! It was heavenly!! Anyone watching us eat this thing would have to conclude that we had not eaten in at least a week. Here's the progression of our chocolate bag's existence:

And finally, a fun family pic. All I can say is that I am desperate for a tan!!!

While my mom thought this was our goodbye for the evening and we were all heading our separate ways, we actually hauled tail to get to her tennis club where her tennis buddies were finishing up an evening of tennis. We decorated one of the raquetball courts to have refreshments and surprise my mom with the rest of her birthday evening! SURPRISE!!

I had secretly spent the day Saturday making my mom's birthday cupcakes. I rushed them to Hilltop before dinner and forgot to take a picture of them before I left. As I drove to the plaza to meet everyone for dinner I thought, it's okay! I'll just take one when we surprise my mom! Little did I know that people would start eating them before the birthday girl arrived! GRRRR!! Needless to say, I wasn't thrilled. Here's my toppling tower of birthday cupcakes. :-(

But I will have you know that I painted those pink stripes on the candles myself! That was a whole other story! I dropped the pink food color powder all down my front and on the kitchen floor. Then, of course, Ginger decided to come running through the pink powder. So I ended up chasing my cat through the house (who thought that was a fun game!) to try to keep pink paw prints off my brand new carpet. I digress.

My dad got an ice cream cake for my mom (and wasn't ashamed to enjoy some of the ice cream goodness himself!).

After that fun-filled weekend, needless to say, I was EXHAUSTED!!! While I am grateful for all of the exciting things that have happened in the last month, I am SOO ready for life to calm down!! Thankfully, this weekend will be much less eventful!!