When you get close to exhausting your options in fertility treatments, you may find yourself volunteering to be a human pin cushion. Never in a million years would I have imagined myself seeking out someone who has a Master's in Oriental Medicine. By here I am, getting stuck with needles and talking about Chinese herbs.
For my fellow skeptics, it really doesn't hurt. After the strategic placement of these little needles, you are left alone in the room for 30 minutes to "relax". My first time "relaxing" with needles sticking out of me was less than relaxing.
"I'm laying here with needles sticking out of my body."
"Uh oh. My leg itches."
"Will it hurt if I try to move?"
"What if I accidentally hit one of the needles?"
"There are needles sticking out of my body."
I know lots of people who say they fall asleep during acupuncture. So far, I haven't been one of those people. But I suck at relaxing, so that could have something to do with my lack of sleeping.
If you look closely you can see the needles in my knees and ankles. By the way...taking an acupuncture selfie isn't the easiest thing in the world.
Once the needles are in, you really can't feel them at all. In fact, when I was driving home after one of my appointments I went to brush my hair out of my eyes when my hand brushed something hard near my temple. I proceeded to pull a needle out of my head! SO. WEIRD.
This isn't something I'll continue long term, but there are many highly educated experts in the field of fertility who recommend this process. And even I (queen of all skeptics) am noticing some changes in my body. We are hopeful this will play a part in helping us get pregnant!
Today I'm linking up with Boogieboard Cottage
to share the "Little Man" Sip and See I threw for one of my best friends. It was so much fun to celebrate her sweet baby boy with lots of mustaches and neckties!
I started out with some mustache candy/lollipop molds I found at Michael's. I used melting chocolate to make lots of chocolate mustaches. Since the molds were really for lollipops they made HUGE mustaches. I just didn't fill them up all the way, and they ended up being the perfect size.
They ended up being perfect cupcake toppers!
The rest of the spread was veggie sticks with veggie dip in the bottom of the cup. Makes it much easier to eat when you're walking around and "oooing" and "ahhhing" over a sweet baby!
We also had fruit kabobs, bruschetta, and cheese/crackers.
I decorated with mason jars and the brown crinkle packaging (go to the dollar store!) and yellow daisies.
Then I found some wooden dowels from Hobby Lobby, some black card stock and a mustache pattern online to make these adorable mustache accents in the mason jars!
Neckties are also a MUST when celebrating a "little man." I found a necktie pattern online and cut out big and small neckties from scrapbook paper. The big neckties make for a great jute/necktie garland. It's nearly impossible to see from the picture, but there are mini neckties on the mason jars, too.
And of course the invitations had to include mustaches, too! Luckily, Hobby Lobby has EVERYTHING you could possibly ever want --- including mustache scrapbook paper.
All in all, it was an adorable Sip and See filled with all things "Little Man!"
Getting ready for Christmas has been busy but so much fun! I can't even begin to explain what a relief it has been to have some time off of school! Here are some iPhone picture highlights:
Michael and I were getting ready to go to dinner with some friends. We get ready in different bathrooms. Michael came back into our bedroom, and this is what happened. Thankfully, he was willing to change his top. We haven't been married long enough to start going out looking like this.
This is the magic tree. It's right off the highway, and it's all by itself in the middle of a field. It's absolutely stunning. Michael and I had to make a quick stop to see the local magic tree.
After lots of cookie baking, present wrapping and house cleaning we are finally ready to celebrate Christmas! Merry Christmas everyone!
Here's a hint. The majority of married women in their 30's without children are struggling with infertility. It's usually a pretty safe assumption to make, and, for the record, there are A LOT of us.
Because this is an intensely personal and private issue, most people don't talk about it. It's kept close to the vest as our little secret, and that makes it easy to feel incredibly alone. The Lord has blessed me with an awesome support system and friends who understand the path of infertility. The journey is long and hard, but there are lessons to be learned through the struggle. And as weird as this is going to sound, when I finally get to be a mommy I know I will be grateful for those lessons. So, here's what infertility is teaching me:
Lesson #1: I am not in control.
If infertility doesn't teach you about Who is actually control in your life, it's likely nothing will. There have been so many seasons in this process of giving up control and surrendering what I feel like is my right to be able to get pregnant. Bottom line = God is in control (whether I like it or not!) and I have a CHOICE to be happy or to be sad. I have a CHOICE to be angry at God or to trust Him.
PS....I choose happiness and trust!
Lesson #2: Live for now. Don't put your life on hold.
There have been so many decisions I've made in the last two years based on "if we have a baby." I wonder how many opportunities I've missed out on because I was living for the future instead of enjoying the moment.
Lesson #3: My pain has a purpose and He has made a promise to me. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited (there's a purpose!), I was given (it's a gift....even when it feels like a thorn!) a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (He's promised to take care of me!) Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (And so I embrace where the Lord has me.)
2 Corinthians 12:7b-10
Lesson #4: To appreciate my relationship with my husband.
If there's anything that depletes intimacy in marriage, it's fertility treatments. Throughout this process, however, I have come to appreciate my husband more than I think I would have if we had been able to get pregnant right away. This has highlighted for me my husband's great faith in the Lord, patience in the waiting and love for me.
At the end of the day, I know I will get to be a mommy. It isn't going to happen like I had planned and may not end up looking how I planned either. But I'm confident it will be well worth the wait!
I haven't blogged since this summer. I started a new job (again) this school year in a new district (again) in a new grade (again). While this job makes me a thousand times happier than my jobs the last two years, the transition has been tough to make at times. Last year I left for work at 8:30 and drove 5 minutes down the road to school. I was home by 4:30 every night and had dinner almost finished if not on the table every night when Michael came home. I loved that. I felt like a "good wife", but was completely unsatisfied (dare I say, miserable?) during the day. So when this new position became available in a district 30 minutes away, while I have had to make some sacrifices (like dinner being on the table at 6:00), it really was a blessing. A complete "God thing."
So with 6 months having passed since my last post, I feel new at this blogging thing again. I didn't even finish posting pictures of our trip to France! I miss this. Even Michael says he misses my blog -- which is funny because he is a significantly more private person than I am. He's less willing to lay it all out there for the world to read. :-)
Lately the Lord seems to be calling me to trust Him in a really big way. In a way that is scary to me. In a way that could mean the death of a dream (or at the least the way I've dreamed it for so many years), if I am truly willing to trust Him. My natural inclination is to hold on to this dream with all my might and try to force it to be. But in reality, that's not only impossible….it's unwise. And shines a spotlight on my lack of faith.
It seems like I have a different song that the Lord uses to speak to me in different seasons of my life. I've blogged about this before. When I hear David Crowder's "How He Loves"and J.J. Heller's "Your Hands" I immediately want to tell whoever's closest, "That's my song." The Lord used those songs so much to speak truth and life into me. And to comfort me in the midst of trials and pain. I feel like that's happening again with this new stage of waiting. (PS…Does waiting on the Lord ever get easier? Or just go away altogether???)
Waiting isn't easy for me. I want it now, and I want it my way. I am Type A and a planner. I know how things are supposed to work. I have the when's and where's all planned out. Oh, how the Lord continues to stretch me and grow me to wait on Him and to trust in Him.
Have you heard the Hillsong United song "Oceans"? It's beautiful.
And amazing.
And scary.
All at the same time. It's become my prayer as I wait, scared (no, terrified) of what may lie around the next corner. Read these lyrics. I mean really read these lyrics.
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
Whenever I find myself singing/praying these words, I have to remind myself of the ramifications of what I'm asking the Lord to do. He'll lead me into those waters, alright. Will I go willingly? Or will I go kicking and screaming? Will I trust? Will I truly trust Him without borders? No matter where His path (which I know in my head is ultimately perfect and much better than mine) may lead? Even if where He takes me isn't what I had planned?
Lord, prepare me for what lies ahead. Help me to trust You without borders. Help me to love You and trust You more than I love and trust my own plans. Help me to die to my own desires so that I am able to live for Your holy and perfect plan. And, Lord, I pray that my faith would be made stronger in Your presence.
Jesus loving, essential oil obsessed, travel seeking, ice cream eating, assistant principal-ing, happily married 30-something saved by grace and embracing the journey of life.
