Infertility

Here's a hint.  The majority of married women in their 30's without children are struggling with infertility.  It's usually a pretty safe assumption to make, and, for the record, there are A LOT of us.
Because this is an intensely personal and private issue, most people don't talk about it.  It's kept close to the vest as our little secret, and that makes it easy to feel incredibly alone.  The Lord has blessed me with an awesome support system and friends who understand the path of infertility.  The journey is long and hard, but there are lessons to be learned through the struggle.  And as weird as this is going to sound, when I finally get to be a mommy I know I will be grateful for those lessons.  So, here's what infertility is teaching me:

Lesson #1:  I am not in control.
If infertility doesn't teach you about Who is actually control in your life, it's likely nothing will.  There have been so many seasons in this process of giving up control and surrendering what I feel like is my right to be able to get pregnant.  Bottom line = God is in control (whether I like it or not!) and I have a CHOICE to be happy or to be sad.  I have a CHOICE to be angry at God or to trust Him.

PS....I choose happiness and trust!

Lesson #2:  Live for now.  Don't put your life on hold.
There have been so many decisions I've made in the last two years based on "if we have a baby."  I wonder how many opportunities I've missed out on because I was living for the future instead of enjoying the moment.

Lesson #3:  My pain has a purpose and He has made a promise to me.

Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited (there's a purpose!), I was given (it's a gift....even when it feels like a thorn!) a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (He's promised to take care of me!) Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (And so I embrace where the Lord has me.)
2 Corinthians 12:7b-10

Lesson #4:  To appreciate my relationship with my husband.
If there's anything that depletes intimacy in marriage, it's fertility treatments.  Throughout this process, however,  I have come to appreciate my husband more than I think I would have if we had been able to get pregnant right away.  This has highlighted for me my husband's great faith in the Lord, patience in the waiting and love for me.

At the end of the day, I know I will get to be a mommy.  It isn't going to happen like I had planned and may not end up looking how I planned either.  But I'm confident it will be well worth the wait!