***DISCLAIMER: I absolutely
love being married. I am so beyond blessed to be able to "do life" with my husband.***
When I got married a few months ago, I really didn't know what I was getting myself into. I didn't really understand what marriage was and what it required of me and what it didn't require of me. I didn't truly have a full picture view of what a Biblical marriage really meant for me.
Let me try to explain where I'm coming from by rewinding back to our engagement.
I knew I loved Michael. But I didn't know if I really loved him enough. Part of that is that I totally over-analyze ev.ry.thing. in my life. The other part of that is I didn't feel that movie romantic-falling-all-over-myself-can't-see-straight kind of love. And that scared the snot out of me. That's what I thought I was supposed to feel when I got married. That passionate, lustful, romantic love. You know. The kind we see in every chick flick movie that we all adore.
I remember sitting at the kitchen table with my parents (after Michael and I were engaged) and finally "coming clean" with how terrified I was that I didn't feel the right thing. I was scared that my love wasn't the right kind of love. Or strong enough. Or movie-worthy enough. Shortly after that conversation (in which my parents assured me that the movie love wasn't really love), I confronted Michael with my fears. I told him that I didn't feel that movie love for him, and that I was scared. You know what he said to me?
"I don't feel that for you either."
WHAT? HUH? You mean to tell me that it's okay to love me and want to marry me and spend the rest of your life with me even though we don't have that crazy chick-flick romance????? I was SO. BEYOND. RELIEVED. After talking with Michael, I realized that what I felt really was love. It wasn't the passionate, lustful, can't-function-in-my-daily-life kind of love.......because it was true love instead of love from a fictional movie. (I can totally hear my sister quoting from The Princess Bride right now.....Wuv. Twoo Wuv.)
Soo.....that being said, I thought that after realizing what I felt really was right, and after some AH-mazing pre-marital counseling from our pastor, I really thought I had this marriage thing in the bag.
Uh. Wrong-o.
I really had no idea what marriage was or what I was getting myself into. Every day I'm learning what marriage really is. Man, it's serious self-sacrificing, which is hard when you've been single and independent for 30 years. And I never really understood how much marriage really is making a choice to love. Even when I'm ugly in the physical sense (early mornings are not my best) and in my attitude....Michael chooses to love me. I'm really only beginning to understand how to do that.
And the most wonderful thing I'm learning about marriage is that I get to be a part of something incredibly holy. An institution that God designed to portray how He loves us.
It's so wonderful. But soooo hard. I've said several times in the last few months that being single really is easier. But I love that the Lord is allowing me the opportunity to share my life with an amazing man. And He is using that relationship to make me more and more like Jesus. There's nothing I could want more than that.
If you are a single gal and really wanting to understand and be prepared for Biblical marriage, I would totally recommend reading Timothy Keller's "The Meaning of Marriage." Michael and I are reading it right now, and I wish so badly that I had read this before we even met so that I would have had a better idea of what to expect a marriage to be. I'm playing catchup in my understanding, but you don't have to!!
