Sunday, March 28, 2010

A Month of Challenges

So, for a 28-year-old teacher I probably make a decent amount of money.  For some reason, though, (namely my darned cats and their vet bills!!) this month I feel extremely poor.  After paying my bills and doing that oh-so-exciting Dave Ramsey budget for the month, I am down to virtually zippo money to make it through the month.  I was feeling a little mopey about the whole I-want-to-be-rich-and-I-never-will-be reality that was rearing it's ugly head when God seriously changed my entire frame of mind.  Instead of looking at this month's lack of finances as a burden I have to bear, God presented my situation this month to me as a challenge.  And here's the challenge:  I'm allowed to purchase only 3 food items from the grocery store this month -- milk, bread, fruits/veggies (one fruit and one veggie per trip).  The rest of my food this month is coming from whatever I can create with the things that are already in my freezer and pantry.  Needless to say, the challenge this month is for me to get super creative with my meal choices!!  Otherwise, I may be eating a lot of PB&J.  Wish me luck!!!

My other challenge this month is a bit more personal.  In preparation for the Beth Moore simulcast that my church is hosting in April, I picked up her latest book called "So Long, Insecurity."  Honestly, when I started the book I could maybe name a couple of little insecurities I was holding onto, but I felt like a pretty confident person.  And then Beth Moore (thanks to the leading of the Holy Spirit) had a few things to say to me.  How is it that a person can feel and present herself as self-confident when deep down she is struggling with SOO many insecurities?!  And where in the world did those insecurities come from?!  Most do I move past them????  So, as I'm realizing and struggling with all of these insecurities that have become a part of the very fabric of my being, the challenge I'm facing, in the words of Beth Moore, is to trust God to be my "soul-deep security drawn from a source that never runs dry and never disparages me for requiring it."  To trust Him to be the place I can go when, as much as I loathe it, I am needy and hysterical."  Oh, how I want to move past the roadblocks that are keeping me from fulfilling the purpose He has for me!

One last thing that may or may not have any relevance to my challenges this month (in fact, I'm probably just rambling at this point) but that completely spoke to my heart as I read it. 
                                                He knows it's scary to be us.  
WOW.  He knows it's scary, and there's reason I have insecurities.  But oh how I long for the day when, as Beth says, "the old order of things will pass away and all our hardship will be finished."  Praise God.

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