A Busy Busy Weekend

This has been a crazy busy weekend!  It was my sister's wedding weekend!  We started off with manis and pedis on Friday.  I almost never get manicures, but I love them.  I spent the whole weekend staring at my nails.  I'm trying to convince Michael to add monthly manicures to our budget.

Then we had a lot of last minute errands to run: got a camcorder to record her ceremony, made another stop at Charming Charlie for wedding jewelry, went to pick up the dress Meredith bought the day before.  Yes, that's right.  She bought a new dress two days before her wedding.  She really wanted to do this wedding on a budget, so she bought the first dress on Etsy.  As much as I adore Etsy, it turns out you probably shouldn't order a cheap wedding dress from the site because it ends up being...well...cheap.  After two alterations, it still fit terribly.  So she bought a new dress.

The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner was that night.  I had been dealing with a cold all week, so I spent the night sucking on cough drops and hoping to not hack up a lung through the entire ceremony!  The next morning was hair and makeup.  My hair lady was going for "big Texas hair."  She nailed it!  :-)

 My sister's bestie is an AMAZING artist.  She made this.  It looks like a chalkboard, but it's a canvas.  And she painted the words.  I am still amazed.

This was at the reception.  At this point I had hardly slept for several days because of my cold, but we somehow made it through!

Sunday my mom had a brunch for Meredith and Luke and our immediate families.  By the time we got home, I was officially down for the count.  By evening I had tissues everywhere and Ginger thought the thermometer was a cat toy.  Reluctantly (because I always feel guilty when I miss school), I called in sick for Monday.  Sunday night was the first night in a  long time that I actually slept the whole night through!  WAHOO!  I'm starting to feel much better, but am really grateful the full force of my cold held off until after the wedding.  There will be more pictures of the weekend to come soon!  (This is just all I had on my phone.)

Memorial Stones

We've been talking at church about Joshua and the victories God gave him in some of the most unlikely ways.  In the discussions that accompanied this topic, we've been asked often to reflect on the victories we've seen God provide in our lives.  Every time I'm asked to reflect on the victories He has given me lately, I wrack my brain to come up with something.  Surely there's something He's done for me.  But the only thing I can think of is the fact that we've spent thousands of dollars on fertility treatments and we are still baby-less.  For two years we've been on this road, and we still do not have a baby.

And then today I realized something.

Even though we're still in the midst of the desert (literally, I'm pretty sure my uterus is a desert), I've still had victories.  They're not the victories I wanted (i.e. BABIES!), but they're victories nonetheless.  It's amazing to me how quickly I forget the spiritual victories I've had along the way.

The spiritual lessons He's taught me are victories!  Like this post.  It was the first post I wrote about our infertility.  Or this post.  These lessons are things I need to continue to meditate on.  I need to remember where I've been.

In Joshua chapter 3, God miraculously takes the Israelites across the Jordan River on dry land on their way to take possession of the Promised Land.  But when they reached the other side in chapter 4 they didn't head straight to the next battle.  They built a memorial to remember where they came from.

...and Joshua said to them: "Cross over before the ark of the Lord your God into the midst of the Jordan, and each one of you take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the children of Israel, that this may be a sign among you when your children ask in time to come, saying, "What do these stones mean to you?"

We aren't supposed to go through the desert and cross the Jordan River and forget everything we've come through.  We are supposed to remember our trials, our struggles and the seemingly small victories along the way.

My victories in this journey haven't been a baby (yet), but I definitely have had spiritual victories.  There have been very specific moments when I have felt content and at peace with where God has us.  And then without even realizing it, I take my eyes off the Giver of Peace and I start to focus back on what I don't have.  And I forget the victory.  

I thank God for this blog, because it serves as a reminder to me of my victories.  It helps me to remember when God revealed to me that this trial comes with a purpose and a promise.  It reminds me of the struggle to have hope in the midst of the waiting, and that my hope is in Him.

Valentine's Weekend

I hope you had a great Valentine's weekend!  We like to keep things pretty low key.  Friday night we stayed in, watched TV and got a heart-shaped Papa Murphy's pizza.  We sure do love us some Papa Murphy's!

We don't do big Valentine's Day gifts.  I got Michael a Toblerone bar (his all time favorite), and he got me this awesome new paddle attachment for my KitchenAid!  It really is the little things in life.

Saturday night we went to dinner at McCormick and Schmick's.  Michael's grandparents always give us a gift card there for Christmas.  So we save it for Valentine's Day each year.  Michael's really good about making reservations in January so we don't have to worry about the crowds.  We L.O.V.E. the chocolate bag there.  If you haven't tried it, you absolutely need to.  Just go there for dessert if nothing else!

 I spent my day off today running errands.  Michael didn't have to go to work today, so he was my chauffeur.  I had a pre-wedding hair appointment today to cover up my grays.  I also had an acupuncture appointment and then went to find some jewelry for the wedding.  I'm hopeful this necklace and earrings will look good with my dress!

We've had such a great, relaxing weekend it's going to be hard to go back to work tomorrow!!

Through It All

We're in this weird in-between place right now with our journey to becoming parents.  We committed to 3 months of acupuncture and trying the more holistic approach.  Obviously, to this point, without success.  We are nearing the end of our current timeline and are searching for answers for how to proceed.  Do we do IVF?  Do we wait for God to work a miracle in His own way and His own time?

I am acutely aware of my Martha-like tendencies and my desire to control things.  I refuse to be like Sarah and Abraham and try to force things to happen my way and in my time.  But I also don't want to sit around and do nothing if the Lord is calling us to move.

This whole journey can end up being one giant ball of frustration - trying to figure out our next steps, waiting for the Lord to work out something good, something I know He's called me to (i.e. motherhood).  I find myself wondering often, if He's called me to be a mom, why is it proving so difficult to become one?  And sometimes it's easy to fall into the trap of not believing that He can and will work this out.

I read this passage in John 9 last week about Jesus healing the blind man, and I was instantly moved to tears.

Now as Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth.  And His disciples asked him, saying, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"  Jesus answered, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him..."

God allowed this man to be blind so that Jesus could heal him, and in doing so, reveal His healing power.

Hallelujah.

Oh, that Jesus would use my struggle to reveal His power to others.  That my life would be a testimony to His majesty and power and love and grace.  That He would remind me daily that, no matter what happens to our dreams of having a family, it is well with me.

Far be it for me to not believe.

Even when my eyes can't see.

And this mountain that's in front of me.

Will be thrown into the midst of the sea.

Through it all

Through it all

My eyes are on You.

Through it all

Through it all

It is well.

So let go my soul and trust in Him.

The waves and wind still know His name.