The Best Laid Plans

"Plan your work and work your plan."  It's pretty much been my motto for as long as I can remember.  So, naturally, I had a five year plan in place as soon as I left college.  First up on the plan - get a job.  Check.  Next on the plan - get a new car.  Check.  Buy a house.  Check.  Get my mater's degree.  Check.  Get married by 25.  Ummm.  Okay, so I'll go ahead and get my elementary admin degree while I wait for my knight in shining armor.  Check.  Start having babies by 28.  Wellll....  So I figured I'd make a little adjustment to the plan.  As long as I'm married and having babies by the time I'm 30, I'll be okay.  Surely I can make that happen.

And then today it hit me.  In two months (TWO MONTHS, PEOPLE!) I will be 29. 

TWENTY. NINE.

No husband.  (Not even any potential prospects!)  No babies.  TWENTY. NINE.

And although I'm no math wiz, I figured that I now have 14 months to find my husband, get married, get pregnant and birth a child.  

And so I cried.  The realization that I will be LUCKY to be married by the time I'm 30 let alone be a mother hits hard.  And so do the "what if's" that accompany this realization.

What if my parents aren't there to walk me down the aisle?

What if I'm alone for forever?

What if I never get to be a mom?

What if my parents never get to have grandkids?

What if.....this is it?  

What if.....this is all there is?

So, while I know Jeremiah 29:11 and I claim that verse daily -- right now I am two months away from being 29, and I'm still alone.  

It's 66 degrees in Kansas City today.  It's also December 30.  I suppose miracles do happen.  

I just hope I get my miracle soon.