Relationship

This semester has been at the very least a whirlwind.  Maybe more like a hurricane.  New job.  Crazy grad school requirements/hours.  A confused social life.  A Savior throwing all kinds of thoughts and ideas and quandaries my way.  I haven't blogged recently because I haven't known what to say.  I feel like a broken record - I'm tired.  I'm overwhelmed.  I'm ready for a break.  And part of me has been longing for a break from not only work and grad school but from the weight the Lord has been putting on my heart.  I was walking in obedience with Him.  He was doing things I didn't understand, but I was walking in obedience and in utter contentment.  And then little by little, I let life take back over.  I bowed back down to my idol of job and success and purpose.  The contentment I was so loving (and slightly scared of) disappeared over night.

I lived in South Carolina for my freshman and sophomore years of college.  How I adore South Carolina!  I found the Lord there, so I can't help but love it!  It was in South Carolina where I fell in love with the band "Silers Bald."  I've been living with that CD in my car for the last week or so.  Don't you love when the Lord uses something old to speak something new to your heart?!  Here's the chorus:

I ask You how many times will You pick me up
When I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall of your glory,
How far will forgiveness abound?

And you answer, "My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face,
you'll walk in the power of my daily sufficient grace."

Seeking His face.  Delighting in Him.  Relationship.  I've been struggling with this whole "relationship" bit lately.  What does it mean to be in relationship with someone?  What does that look like?  And what exactly does it mean/look like to be in relationship with the God of the universe?

I love what Kelly Minter said.  "Coming to Him, hearing from Him, putting other things aside that get in the way, and speaking back to Him - all of these make up the ingredients for intimacy with another, in this case with God."

We can't be engrossed in the world and still engrossed in the Lord.  I'm struggling with this right now.  My job is so special to me.  I feel like I'm truly making a difference in the lives of my students.  But it's taken over my life.  I'm being defined by what I do for a living and not by who I am in Christ.  I'm struggling with that.  I spend more time at school working than I do anywhere else - and that includes with Him.  I don't know how to be what I need to be for my students and be in relationship with the Lord.

And during this season, I feel like the Lord is asking me to at least temporarily step back from some old friendships.  That's surprisingly easy.  When I'm walking with Him, He really is my daily sufficient grace.  He's all I need, all I desire.

So, if you've made it this far, congratulations!  :-)  Nothing like a little Sunday night verbal vomit to close out the weekend.  (PS...This makes me laugh.  With one of my phonics groups at we're working on the "ur" sound.  One of the words in our flashcards is "hurl."  One of my kids just thinks that's the funniest thing!  Every time he reads it he follows it up by saying, "Like when you throw up!"  And just laughs his little head off!  Sorry....side note.)

Lord Jesus, as I we sang to You in worship this morning....

Let now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all for your Son's holy name
And with the heavens we declare
You are our king!