1. Fight for a diagnosis.
When we started this journey no one was able to give us a diagnosis for our infertility. The more tests that came back as normal, the more resigned I was to the idea of not having a diagnosis. Michael, however, was not satisfied. He insisted on a diagnosis. I kept telling him that from what I was reading, 25% of women with infertility have unexplained infertility and that we should try to be okay with that. Boy am I thankful that he refused to be okay.
What our doctors in Kansas City couldn't tell us, my doctor in Colorado could. Over the phone. After looking at the exact same test results that my RE here in town looked at.
He gave us a diagnosis, and with a diagnosis, a method of treatment. There is no other medical condition that doctors begin to treat without first diagnosing. Don't let your RE proceed without a diagnosis. If he/she can't tell you why you're struggling to get pregnant, get a second opinion. Or a third. Or a fourth. If we had done that from the beginning, we would have saved two years and $10,000 on treatments that were never going to work. Fight for your diagnosis.
2. Be specific with your goals when talking with your doctor.
As amazing as our doctor is (he's top 10 in the country), he didn't fully understand our end goal of IVF. We want a big family. We have no intention of stopping at one baby. Maybe we just assumed he was on the same page as us. Maybe we told him and he just didn't hear us. But the bottom line is, we weren't as clear with him as we obviously needed to be. We want a big family. Had Dr. Schoolcraft fully understood our end goal from the very beginning, it's likely we would have followed a slightly different course.
3. Be knowledgeable. Study up. Read, read, read.
When we started our infertility journey, we took one recommendation from a coworker to find our Reproductive Endocrinologist. That was our first mistake. We did absolutely no research on her. We learned the hard way that the RE and clinic you choose is absolutely key. Do some reading about infertility and clinics. There are tons of books out there. I recommend books by Dr. William Schoolcraft (my RE) and Dr. Sami David. The bottom line is that you need to know as much about infertility as you can before you start. You also need to research your clinic and your RE. Not every doctor is the same. Not every RE practices medicine the same way (which makes absolutely no sense to me!). Trust me when I tell you that you don't want a mediocre doctor making decisions that will cost you tens of thousands of dollars and invaluable time. Get someone good. Be as informed as you can possibly be.
4. Ask a BUNCH of questions.
Here are things I think you should ask and your RE should be able to answer:
Why can't I get pregnant on my own?
What's the protocol for my diagnosis and why?
What's the chance I get pregnant from this protocol?
What's your success rate for live births with women my age? What about with women who have a similar diagnosis as me?
How many different IVF protocols does your clinic utilize?
How is my egg quality (FSH)? How is my egg reserve (AMH)?
Do I need to do multiple retrievals and bank my embryos?
Do you do chromosomal testing on embryos?
How many embryos will you transfer at one time?
What process does the clinic have in educating you (the patient) on whatever course you are proceeding with?
Will I have a fresh or frozen embryo transfer?
Michael's final suggestion for all struggling with infertility? Play the lottery. You're gonna need some extra cash, and a lot of it!
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