Confessions

I started this blog initially for a couple of reasons.  One - to document my journey with the Lord for my sake.  Just to have record of what He has done through the seasons of my life.  If somebody reads it, fine.  If nobody reads it, that's fine too.  Two - To connect with other singles who long to be a wife and mom.  It's lonely in the Christian world of singledom.  We need each other!

Okay, so apparently I just had two reasons.  Point being that I have been, at times, painfully honest about my journey in singleness on this blog.  It seems that it would be hypocritical of me to shut down now and not be just as painfully honest through my journey of dating.  This is all still part of the journey He has me on.

All that to bring me to one word.  

Baggage.  

I've never been the one to carry the baggage in a relationship.  This is new territory for me.  But I'm definitely the baggage-carrier here.  A couple of weeks ago I made Michael come over because I needed to talk.  I'm pretty sure he was a bit concerned about this "talk" but I assured him that it wasn't a big deal.  Just some things I needed to share with him.  Things I needed him to know.

Honestly, I was freaking out a little bit.  And here's why.

I was afraid.  Actually....I am afraid.  Let me explain in typical Type-A fashion.  Bullet points.

• I'm afraid that I'm going to try to force something that isn't right.  (Baggage from unhealthy relationship #1.)  I've done it before....who's to say I won't do it again?  I do want so much to be married.  What if I let that drive me into forcing a square peg into a round hole (as my mother would say)?
• I'm afraid that I won't be able to fall in love.  Here I have this man who is PERFECT for me on paper.  I mean, people, PERFECT on paper.  What if I can't fall in love?  What if my heart just doesn't go there?  What then?  And I can't help but let my mind wander down the "there isn't anyone left out there" road.  If I pass up on this guy....there's nothing left out there. (Baggage from unhealthy relationship #2.  I started to fall in love then....and my heart was broken.  What if it's broken permanently??)
• I'm afraid that either fear #1 or fear #2 will happen and our relationship will end.  My friends and family have been soo excited for me.  After all....this could be "the one"!   If I can't make it work....if I mess this up or if my heart just won't fall.....I am afraid of all of the disappointment I will cause for my friends and my family.  (This is just my own brain.  No ex-boyfriend to blame here!)

And I know all of the rational responses to each of those fears.  I know.  I get it.  But here's the bottom line.  My fears are completely irrational but completely logical.  And they're mine.  They are the essence of what I'm seriously fighting against.  There are days when I'm completely good....not afraid of anything in this relationship.  And then there are days when I fight the constant nagging of these fears.  

Is it Satan trying to keep me from enjoying what the Lord is blessing me with?  Maybe.

Is it me just being plain old crazy?  Likely.

Is it the Lord trying to say something to me?  Beats me.  

Here's what I do know.  Fear is sin.  Fear comes from not believing that the Lord will take care of me.  So I'm going to die daily to this sin of fear, and trust that no matter what -- even if it's Fear #1, #2 or #3 coming true -- I do not have to fear.  

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, 

but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7

Boy Meets Girl - She Said

I decided after Thanksgiving that I needed to try to get involved in the singles ministry at my church again.  So for a couple of weeks I went to the singles Sunday School class.  Each time I was there I noticed this tall, cute, blond boy.  I think I even mentioned him to my mom.  :-)   A couple of weeks before Christmas I decided to give the singles Tuesday night Bible Study a try.  Actually, my mom had to convince me to go....and I'm glad she did!

I walked in the door and tried to feel as not-awkward as humanly possible.  Thankfully the singles pastor was close by and included me in a conversation he was having with another guy there (who turned out to be Michael's roommate).  We were standing there talking, and I only vaguely remember noticing a guy sitting pretty close to us with his back to us.  I remember he was wearing sweats and a ball cap.  Pastor Chris asked him a question, and my heart skipped a beat when he turned around and it was the tall, cute, blond boy from Sunday school.  Jackpot!!  He introduced himself to me as Mike.  But I honestly don't remember what we talked about initially.  It was time to start the Bible Study and I asked where everyone sits (the room was arranged kind of strangely).  He said he'd get me a chair, walked across the room for one of the comfy ones, and then brought it back and sat it right next to his.  Smooth.  


We didn't talk much during the study, and I had to leave right away so I could get home and get to bed.  (I know that makes me sound like an old woman, but I get up at 5am every morning!)  I don't really remember saying good bye.  But I definitely called my mom on the way home and thanked her for making me go because I got to meet the tall, cute, blond boy from Sunday School!

Secretly, I had already done a little reconnaissance (aka Facebook stalking) and checked out his FB profile online because we had mutual friends.  So I was hoping that he would friend request me.  The next morning I got up and didn't have any requests.  (I don't believe that he went directly home to friend request me, but he swears he did.)  I got to school and told my teammate about my evening and how I was hoping for a friend request.  School started with no news but at lunch time I pulled my cell phone out and checked FB.  Guess what I had!  A friend request from the tall, cute, blond boy!  YES!!!  I went straight to my teammate's classroom with cell phone in hand and we did a little happy dance.   She made me promise not to accept his friend request until after 5pm that night.  She didn't want me to appear too excited.  Quality advice.

So that night, at promptly 5:02pm, I accepted his FB friend request.  From there it was pretty much like Michael said.  We messaged over FB for a few days, he kind of asked for my number....it wasn't an all-out "Can I have your digits?" kind of conversation but he did manage to get my phone number.  And he definitely messed with my head and pretended that I had the wrong number when I texted him the first time.  MEAN!  And his rendition of how our first date came to be is pretty accurate according to my memory.

Where we are now:  At this point in our relationship, he's met my family and a lot of my friends.  I'm meeting his family on Saturday (eek!).  We're spending a lot of time together just getting to know one another.

One of my favorite nights with Michael was New Year's Eve.  We hung around the plaza for a little bit and then met up for dinner with four of my favorite people.  All we did the whole night was laugh!! Makes me smile just thinking about it!

Boy Meets Girl - He Said

His version (only slightly paraphrased by the stenographer....that's me):
I went to the Rock and Worship Road Show on November 20 with our singles group from church.  Having only been in the singles group for a short while, I didn't know everybody in the group.  About an hour and a half into the concert, at the very end of our long row....I noticed her.  She was leaning forward and with our group pastor next to me, I didn't know if she was with our group or if she just happened to sit next us.  But I noticed her.  I noticed she was very very attractive.  (His words....not mine.)  When the concert ended, I remember her leaving very quickly and didn't wait for our group.  So I knew she wasn't with us.  After that, I figured she was just a pretty girl I happened to see once and then she was gone.  Fast forward a couple of weeks to December 13.....Tuesday Night Bible Study.  Funny enough, we're going over the 10 Commandments of Dating.  And in walked "the girl."  


Me:  Did you notice me right when I walked in?  


Michael:  Yup.  Sure did.  I noticed you, and I wanted to make contact with you but I didn't know how to do it and still be inconspicuous.  I just thought, "I've gotta do something."  


Me:  You didn't get up right away.  


Michael:  No, but I was close enough that I could eavesdrop.  Pastor Chris said something to you about us all being different ages and looked at me and asked how old I was because it was my birthday the day before.  I figured that was a perfect way to talk to you.  I looked right at you and asked "Why?  How old are you?"  You said you were 29.  That was right when we were starting Bible Study, and I said, "Let me get you a chair."  I walked behind you, grabbed a chair and put it right next to mine.  And that was pretty much it for us communicating because you left pretty quick.  Pastor Chris promised to be done by 8:30 so you could be in bed by 9:00.


(Pause while thinking)


Michael: I remember what you were wearing.  You were wearing a skirt, black tights, and flats.


Me:  They weren't flats.  


Michael:  (thinking)  Oh, no, they weren't!  They were heels!  I just remembered what you look like.  When the evening was over you said to me, "It was very nice to meet you."  Remember that?  And then you left.  Having a name, I went home and directly found you on facebook.  The next day you accepted me.  And then started the FB messaging.  I didn't have your phone number.  My intent was to get your interest level towards me.  If I felt you were interested enough, I was going to ask for your number.  This was like 3 or 4 days after we started messaging.  Remember our first text message? (ornery grin)


Me:  Yes.  You pretended like I had the wrong number.  And you thought it was REALLY funny.  So anyway....you got my number....


Michael:  If you remember, once you gave me your number, we started small talk texting.  Well, I told you I was planning on doing some Christmas shopping on Monday night (a week before Christmas).  I told you I'd be going to Bed Bath and Beyond.  You happened to tell me that you used to work for Bed Bath and you said you were a Bed Bath expert.  I asked you if you'd like to join me in Christmas shopping that night.  And in talking about the night's logistics, I mentioned if you'd want to eat dinner beforehand.  And then I really got bold with you and said do you want to scrap Christmas shopping and just go out to dinner?  You said yes!  So we met at V's Italian Restaurant.  Our first date.  A "smashing success."  

It's Official!

It's Facebook official.  It's Twitter official.  So I guess it's time for it to be blog official.

I. Have. A. Man.

Blog world, meet Michael.  He's cute (duh!), tall, and loves Jesus.  

I am one lucky girl!

Crafty Christmas

Holy moly it's been a long time since I've done this blog thing!!  ALOT has happened since my last post.....but before I fill you in on all of that, I wanted to share my Christmas craftiness!  

I saw this first idea in the Country Living magazine and LOVED it!  

I took an old picture of my mom and her brothers and sisters, scanned it into my computer and printed it out on some printable fabric.  

My materials

This is the picture printed out.

I didn't really know what I was doing, so I ended up attempting two different pillows.  One pillow (the one you see below), I sewed some linen to the back of it, flipped it right side out and this is what I got.  It was REALLY small.  So for the next pillow I ironed it onto a bigger piece of linen, sewed it to another piece of linen and ended up with a bigger pillow.  Unfortunately, the iron discolored the picture so it was very yellow.

I ended up giving this to my mom incomplete because I didn't know how to close the pillow.  Oops!  I guess I should have thought about that before I started this project.  It was probably best, though, because we decided to use the not-ironed on picture, rip the seams out and sew a big linen border around the edges to make it bigger and easier to work with.  Of course, that's now sitting on a shelf waiting for us to find the time to finish it.  If we ever get around to finishing it, it's going to be adorable!


My second crafty project of the break was significantly more successful!  I initiated this project a long long time ago and blogged about it here.

I needed a place to store my jewelry and stole this idea from Caroline.   This was my first draft.  And I must say, I was pretty darn proud.

Well, it didn't take too long before I ran out of room and had to add a couple more panels.  Unfortunately, I didn't buy extra blue fabric and so I was left to try to find some more fabric that matched.  It was unsuccessful.  I ended up with 6 panels, three of which were brown, two were blue with brown paisley and one was cream with brown paisley.  It was, shall we say.....tacky.  So over Christmas break I finally got around to finding new fabric and recovering my panels.  This is the final result!

Original fabric compared to the new fabric

I'm working on redoing my guest bedroom....so more project to hopefully follow soon!